Love vs. Infatuation Quiz

Are your feelings deep and lasting, or temporary and intense?

This quiz analyzes the nature of your romantic feelings, distinguishing between the stability and commitment of true love, and the intense, idealized obsession typical of infatuation.

1. How often do you think about your partner/crush?

Constantly, to the point of distraction or losing sleep. Often, but I can focus on other tasks easily. Regularly, but without obsession; they are a pleasant constant. Rarely, only when something reminds me of them.

2. How do you view your partner’s/crush’s flaws or negative traits?

I ignore them or deny they exist; they are perfect to me. I see them, but hope they will eventually change. I see them clearly, accept them, and love them anyway. I focus on their flaws, which causes frequent arguments.

3. Do you find yourself creating elaborate fantasies about your future together?

Yes, my expectations are built on fantasy, not reality. Sometimes, but I temper it with realistic expectations. No, my future vision is based on shared goals and their real personality. No, I rarely think about a future with this person.

4. How much time have you spent getting to know their values, goals, and history (not just their physical appearance)?

Very little; I mainly know surface-level details. A moderate amount; we’re starting to get deeper. A lot; I know their deep hopes, fears, and life history. I know their history, but don’t care about their goals.

5. How would you describe the intensity of your initial feelings when you first met?

Extremely intense, overwhelming, and instant (“love at first sight”). Strong interest that grew quickly. A spark of attraction that slowly and consistently grew into deep affection. I felt nothing until I realized they were attractive.

6. How does this person’s mood affect your emotional stability?

My mood is entirely dependent on theirs; if they’re upset, I’m miserable. I empathize deeply, but I can regulate my own feelings. I am supportive, but my own internal peace remains stable regardless of their mood. I get annoyed and withdraw if they are upset.

7. When you are together, what is the primary focus of your time?

Physical closeness, affection, and high-intensity activities (parties, dates). Talking about our shared future and making plans. Doing simple, daily life together (chores, working, relaxing) comfortably. Arguing or debating over small things.

8. How do you feel after spending time with them?

An intense high, followed by anxiety or sadness when they leave. Satisfied and looking forward to seeing them next time. Calm, secure, and energized by the easy companionship. Drained or relieved that the encounter is over.

9. How does their opinion affect your decisions regarding friends, career, or family?

I change my life and decisions to please them, fearing disapproval. I value their input highly, sometimes adjusting my decisions. I value their input, but I maintain my own autonomy and core decisions. I ignore their opinion entirely.

10. What drives your desire to see them—their presence or your needs?

My acute need for validation and their physical presence. A strong desire for both emotional connection and excitement. A calm, secure desire to share life and connect emotionally. I feel pressured by them to spend time together.

11. How does your relationship fare during periods of stress, illness, or financial trouble?

We break down, and the relationship feels unstable or stops entirely. We struggle, but we manage to support each other. We become closer and function as a strong, unified team. I withdraw entirely and expect them to handle the problems alone.

12. How do you handle disagreements or conflicts?

Arguments feel catastrophic, leading to huge emotional blowouts or silent treatment. We fight, but we usually manage to reach a temporary resolution. We discuss issues calmly, focusing on mutual understanding and repair. I avoid all conflict because I fear losing them.

13. When you talk about the future, is it realistic or based on idealized change?

I assume they will change their career, friends, or personality to match my ideals. We discuss the future vaguely but avoid serious differences. We discuss finances, career goals, and family values knowing each other’s current limits. We never discuss long-term future plans.

14. How long have you known each other in different contexts (work, stress, family)?

Less than six months; I haven’t seen them under real pressure. Six months to a year; I’ve seen some challenges. Over a year; I’ve seen them handle major life challenges and stress. I only know them from one context (e.g., dating app, office).

15. Does your self-esteem rely heavily on this person’s approval or presence?

Yes, I feel incomplete and worthless without their constant validation. Sometimes, but I generally feel good about myself independently. No, my self-worth is independent of the relationship, though I value them. No, but I also don’t care about their feelings or approval.

16. How easily could you name five distinct flaws or things you accept about your partner?

Very difficult; I can only see their perfect side. Moderately easy; I know a few things I tolerate. Very easy; I know their weaknesses and accept them without judgment. I can only name flaws that I want them to change.

17. Do you feel a deep sense of calm, security, and partnership when you are together?

Rarely; I feel nervous, excited, or anxious. Sometimes, but the intensity usually overshadows the calm. Yes, the defining feeling is one of peace and mutual security. No, I feel smothered or trapped.

18. How much time do you spend talking to others *about* your partner versus talking *to* your partner?

I obsessively analyze the relationship with friends/family instead of communicating with my partner. I talk to friends when needed, but primary communication is with my partner. Primary and essential communication is always directed toward my partner first. I mostly ignore my partner and my friends.

19. If you broke up today, what would you miss most?

The excitement, the physical thrill, and the status of being in a relationship. Their support and the shared hobbies we enjoy. Their unique friendship, emotional security, and deep companionship. I would be relieved, but financially worried.

20. When you commit to them, is it based on how they make *you* feel, or based on who *they* are?

How wonderful and excited I feel when I am with them. A mix of my feelings and their positive qualities. A clear commitment to their true self, including all their strengths and flaws. My commitment is conditional on them doing what I want.

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